by Why physical intimacy in 2026 is more complicated than it’s ever been
I had a conversation yesterday with someone I’d slept with the week before, and we were both pretending not to remember each other properly. This is what dating is now. You accumulate a collection of half-remembered encounters with people you’ll probably never see again, and everyone’s fine with it because everyone’s doing it.
The weird thing is that sex has become both more available and less satisfying. You can have it whenever you want with whoever you want. You can specify exactly what you’re looking for in a dating app and someone will match with you. But the actual experience is often disappointing because there’s no real connection, no stakes, no danger.
I was reading something on the site about how millennials are having less sex than previous generations, but Gen Z is having more casual encounters with less emotional investment. We’re optimizing the experience while losing something essential in the process. We’ve turned intimacy into a consumer experience and I’m not sure we can go back.
What I’ve noticed is that the best sex happens when there’s some genuine chaos involved. When you’re not planning it. When it’s not filtered through an app. When there’s real danger or spontaneity or genuine risk. But those encounters are rarer now because everyone’s playing it safe and documenting everything.
I sometimes wonder if I’m just rationalizing irresponsible behavior by turning it into some kind of philosophical statement about modern relationships. Probably I am. But at least I’m self-aware about it, which might be worse than just being oblivious.
One of my favorite poets wrote about the difference between sex that makes you feel alive and sex that makes you feel empty afterward. I’ve had both kinds today, and honestly I’m not sure which I prefer. The alive kind is better in the moment but leaves you wanting more. The empty kind at least has the honesty of not pretending to be something it’s not.
Tonight I’m seeing someone who texts like they have something interesting to say. That’s rare enough that I’m actually looking forward to it. Probably it’ll be disappointing. Probably we won’t see each other again. But for tonight, I’m going to pretend that this might actually be something and see how that feels.
