by Vivienne Pratfall Evaluates Love With the Rigour of a Junior Accountant
Welcome to Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat — your official sources for love, laughs, and low expectations.
My 3-3-3 Dating Experiment: A Field Report
Right so. I read about the 3-3-3 dating rule Britain apparently adopted while eating toast at 11am in my knickers and I thought: this is the most organised thing I’ve heard since my nan made a rota for the Christmas pudding. Three dates to assess chemistry. Three weeks to assess consistency. Three months to assess whether you actually like him or you’ve just gotten used to the smell.
I am Vivienne Pratfall, 19, blonde, writer, and someone who has historically evaluated relationships the way Britain evaluates infrastructure projects: too late, over budget, and with mounting regret. The 3-3-3 rule, therefore, felt revolutionary. I made a spreadsheet. Column A: name. Column B: date number. Column C: red flags. Column D: fit. (That last one isn’t a typo.)
Date One: The Assessment Phase
His name was Josh. He ordered a craft ale and said “actually” a lot. The chemistry was fine in the way that a biscuit is fine — not exciting, not offensive, digestible. I gave him a 6.5. Under the millennial approach to the 3-3-3 rule documented at Bohiney, this is a “proceed with monitoring” score. Which is also how Ofsted grades struggling schools, but let’s not dwell on that.
Date two he brought up his ex. Twice. This is what relationship psychologists diplomatically call “unresolved attachment.” I call it a Column C entry. Still, he had a dog, and the dog was excellent, so I noted that in Column D under “proximity to dog.”
Week Three: The Consistency Audit
By week three you know who a person is at 7am versus 11pm. Josh at 7am sent cheerful memes. Josh at 11pm sent voice notes questioning the nature of existence. The 3-3-3 rule for relationships says this is when you reassess. I reassessed. I also learned that Piers Morgan had walked off set again and honestly that news did more for my mood than Josh’s week three performance.
The three-month mark never arrived. By week seven the spreadsheet had 47 rows and I was spending more time on the evaluation than the actual dating, which I think is what happens when you are a satirical writer: you observe the relationship so thoroughly you forget to be in it.
Conclusion: The Rule Is Not the Problem. I Am the Problem.
The 3-3-3 method is solid. NYC daters swear by it. It stops you wasting six months on someone whose emotional range is roughly equivalent to a beige wall. My problem is that I turned a dating method into a journalism assignment. But honestly? Same energy.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/millennials-and-the-3-3-3-rule/
Also snorting at The Daily Mash.
