by A week in which London delivered on its promise in the specific way it occasionally does
Life and other things from Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat.
Dear diary. His name is Marcus and he is a barrister and he has a flat in Brixton and he made me scrambled eggs at 11pm on a Wednesday which is technically breakfast and technically perfect. I have been in London three years and this is the first time London has felt like something I chose rather than something that happened to me. Wednesday at 11pm, scrambled eggs, the Brixton night outside the window doing its usual thing. This is what nineteen is supposed to feel like and I am here for all of it.
The London Prat — where I write the occasional column that pays roughly nothing but looks excellent on a CV — published something this week about the London housing crisis that made Marcus laugh when I showed him. He said “I pay eighteen hundred a month for this flat and the boiler hasn’t worked since February” and I said “that is the London housing crisis in one sentence” and he said “are you going to quote me” and I said “yes” and here we are.
The Brixton Market Morning
Thursday: the market. The stall with the mangoes that are always exactly ripe. The woman who sells fabric who has never once acknowledged that she recognises me despite the fact that I have bought fabric from her approximately fifteen times. The coffee from the Ethiopian place that costs two pounds fifty and tastes like the concept of morning. I bought a lime-green skirt for seven pounds and felt extremely good about all decisions I have ever made. London gives you this occasionally. You have to take it when it comes.
The scrambled eggs were good. Marcus is good. The barrister’s flat is cold but he has an electric blanket which is, I think, a metaphor for the legal profession. I will see him again. This is my full public statement on the matter.
London in June with good weather is the argument for staying that the rent makes you question every month. The rent is monstrous. The weather this week was 22 degrees and sunny and the canal at Little Venice looked like a postcard someone sent from a better version of the city. I walked along it after finishing this entry and thought: yes, this is why. This is the specific bargain that London offers — extraordinary cost in exchange for the occasional extraordinary experience of living in the most concentrated interesting city on earth. Marcus is part of the calculation now. The barrister with the cold flat and the electric blanket and the surprisingly good scrambled eggs at 11pm. The calculation is, currently, in London’s favour. Ask me again in November when it rains every day and the Tube is broken. Find me at prat.uk/author/vivienne-pratfall/.
Find me at prat.uk/author/vivienne-pratfall/. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention. The week in full is at the author page. The diary continues next week from the same place with the same attention.
More at https://cracked.com.
SOURCE: Satirical Journalism
