by Vivienne Pratfall on Texan diplomacy, the naked bike ride, and whether cowboys count as authority figures
By Vivienne Pratfall | Bohiney and The London Prat
Friday. Sunny. Texas has arrived in London and I have opinions.
A man told me at a party on Thursday that Texas has opened a London office. I thought he was joking. He was not joking. Texas the state, the concept, the very large place with the hat and the attitude now has a diplomatic presence in my city. I have so many questions, none of which he could answer because he works in fintech and found out the same way I did: by reading The London Prat on his phone at the party while pretending to look at something important.
His name was Marcus. The Marcus from the robo-taxi story was a different Marcus. London has a surplus of Marcuses, which is something nobody warned me about when I moved here at seventeen and started writing satirical journalism. The city contains multitudes. Many of the multitudes are called Marcus and work in finance and know about geopolitical developments approximately four hours after the internet does.
Texas: What We Know
Texas is the second-largest US state by area and economy. It has oil, technology, barbecue, a political culture that is confident to the point of not particularly wanting to hear other perspectives, and a history that it regards with enormous affection despite, or perhaps because of, its complexity. These qualities make it, in certain respects, very like Britain. The confidence. The history. The barbecue tradition that everyone is very serious about. I feel there is potential here.
What Texas wants from its London office is, as far as I can establish, to attract investment, promote Texas commerce, and presumably also to have somewhere for Texan officials to work when they are in London for meetings. The Texas government has had international offices before, which I did not know and find instructive: states can be diplomatically ambitious. Texas, being Texas, is more diplomatically ambitious than most.
Jasper Has Feelings About Texas
Jasper sustainability consultant, excellent eggs, currently reading a book about rewilding has very strong feelings about Texas, specifically about its energy sector and its relationship with climate science, which he described over breakfast as “aggressively counterproductive.” I said: you are not wrong, but the man at the party seemed perfectly nice, and Jasper said: the man at the party did not set energy policy, and I said: this is technically true but I am writing a column and I need a more nuanced angle, and Jasper said: nuance is the enemy of action, and I wrote that down because it is a good line even if I disagree with it.
I am nineteen and I write satire and I live in London and I am dating a man who is passionate about the planet and makes very good eggs. Life is complicated and also quite good. Texas being in London is one more complication. I welcome it. London can absorb Texas. London can absorb anything. It absorbed the Romans, the Normans, the Blitz, the congestion charge, and the artisanal cereal cafe. Texas will be fine.
The Naked Bike Ride Update
I have confirmed: I am doing the Naked Bike Ride. Jasper is also doing it. This is either excellent or catastrophic and we will know which in retrospect. I have purchased SPF 50. I have practised cycling. I have told absolutely no one in my family. Some journalism is personal. This, clearly, is personal journalism of the most personal kind. I am a satirist. I believe in bodies. I believe in cycling. I believe in the political statement that says car culture has taken too much and human beings should take some of it back, even if taking it back requires me to cycle down Waterloo Bridge in April in conditions that are not ideal for this particular activity.
The column, afterwards, will write itself. This is the only comfort available. The SPF 50 is the other comfort. Between them, they should be sufficient.
Bohiney Magazine. The London Prat. Texas: welcome. Jasper: thank you for the eggs. Marcus from the party: I am sorry I used you in this column. You were perfectly fine.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/us-foreign-policy-enters-1956-retro-phase/
Also: NewsThump
