by Vivienne Pratfall applies the complete taxonomy of British slang to her romantic life
By Vivienne Pratfall | Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat
The Research Phase
I have read the full comparative guide to British insults and I can now confirm that my last three romantic encounters, arranged in chronological order, were: a plonker (endearing but directionless), a numpty (imported, geographically wrong for me), and – arriving Thursday via a dating app whose algorithm clearly has a grievance with me – a bona fide prat. The prat is the worst of the categories not because he is cruel or stupid but because he is neither of those things and therefore has no excuse. He knows better. He chooses not to apply this knowledge. He is, technically, the most avoidable kind of disaster, and yet here we both were, in a wine bar in Islington, and he was explaining his “career trajectory.”
In Defence of Taxonomy
Knowing the words for things helps. The full glossary of British slang functions as both a cultural orientation and a field guide. If you can accurately identify a plonker in the first fifteen minutes you can make a decision about your evening. This is not cynicism. This is efficiency. My time is finite and my patience is a non-renewable resource that is already running quite low relative to the geopolitical situation.
I wrote about this for Bohiney Magazine under the title “British Slang as Emotional Triage” and it got more engagement than anything I have written about actual news, which tells you something about the readership and also about news. The article on the slang term bird at The London Prat also contributed to the research. I am thorough. I am a professional. The prat from Thursday has not texted. This is a correct outcome.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com
Supportive reading: The Poke
